dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
