im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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