After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
