I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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