My friends, they love my intelligence
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't notice because vodka
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
