I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
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They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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