It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
