Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
