I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
