I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
