im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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