Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
