Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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