why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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