at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
