We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
