He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
