I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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