I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
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you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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