I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
