if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
