I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
