when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
