It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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