Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
