her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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