Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
not ubering you a puppy
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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