watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
