Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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