she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You did what with his pubic hair?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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