now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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