I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
