i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
