Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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