dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
