I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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