Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
