actually, I'm a sock model
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
