I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
