This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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