Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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