What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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