When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
