Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
