I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
