Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
