Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
