Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
