Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise

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  (208): the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise http://tfl.nu/n0e5
  Replies (59) Good night (849) Bad night (8577)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.

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  (901): I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort. http://tfl.nu/dcm6
  Replies (11) Good night (3334) Bad night (634)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms

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  (412): as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms http://tfl.nu/8b7n
  Replies (24) Good night (3196) Bad night (954)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD

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  (845): Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD http://tfl.nu/xg03
  Replies (18) Good night (6461) Bad night (788)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.

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  (734): I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/7tah
  Replies (12) Good night (5032) Bad night (862)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.

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  (832): I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers. http://tfl.nu/48lf
  Replies (3) Good night (2117) Bad night (1391)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..

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  (616): i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent.. http://tfl.nu/zm5m
  Replies (17) Good night (2502) Bad night (1098)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.

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  (512): No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies. http://tfl.nu/7qkv
  Replies (17) Good night (2239) Bad night (989)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  "drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..

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  (419): "drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again.. http://tfl.nu/1sfp
  Replies (4) Good night (1356) Bad night (506)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it

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  (573): Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it http://tfl.nu/zdls
  Replies (5) Good night (1653) Bad night (874)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  That is the exact response I was looking for.

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  (202): Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef (240): Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst! (202): That is the exact response I was looking for. http://tfl.nu/qkl0
  Replies (8) Good night (1645) Bad night (510)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.

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  (248): I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up. http://tfl.nu/qg1r
  Replies (5) Good night (415) Bad night (1253)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"

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  (734): But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed" http://tfl.nu/30bo
  Replies (3) Good night (527) Bad night (317)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?

  (512): View more from Texas

  Won't she run out of nose eventually?

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  (254): She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually? (512): Won't she run out of nose eventually? http://tfl.nu/f0dc
  Replies (3) Good night (573) Bad night (640)
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  (510): View more from California

  How is your new roommate working out

  (415): View more from California

  We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.

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  (510): How is your new roommate working out (415): We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good. http://tfl.nu/gu53
  Replies (2) Good night (936) Bad night (386)

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