Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.