How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender