i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis