did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.