Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.