he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT