We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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