You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
