Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
