can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she told me i tasted like america
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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