My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
