I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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