mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
