y did u give ur computer a hand job?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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