so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
