Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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