Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
