After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
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What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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