so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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