I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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