it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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