there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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